Got Crabs?

I went to my library, right? And I started to research the Bill of Rights and I did not technically find anything that said all Americans shall eat shrimp with whomever and whenever they like, but I found some things that are close enough to infer that I am within my legal rights to enjoy seafood with whomever and whenever I choose.
First off, there is the first amendment, which clearly states that our government shall not impede on freedom of speech, and when I eat I speak, so to prevent me to eat shrimp would there by inhibit my ability to speak while eating shrimp. Now, one could argue that the shrimp is not a valid part of my speech and is just superfluous to my intensions. If I am talking about the violent acts of greedy consumerism then my devouring of the shrimp could add as a visible aid to help depict the damage caused by said greedy individual.
The First amendment also states that I have the right to peacefully assemble, and if I choose to peacefully assemble at Joe’s Crab Shack with Tela Tequila, then the government can not impede on me conducting said dinner meal whatsoever. This is also protected by the second, which states my right to own a gun and form a small militia. While I and Tela may not be the strongest militia in the world, it did not state the power or size the militia was required to be.
And by witnessing the violent shrimp genocide at hand in a seafood restaurant, I am there for preparing to practice the use of the fifth in the soon to be announced trial that the ocean will launch against the fishermen of the northeast. While this may seem off, in a time when bees sue human’s for the selling of honey, it isn’t that hard to imagine any natural entity to prosecute us.
But this is not all light hearted here, as in every seafood restaurant there is always the danger of bad clams. If, one day I were to ingest a plateful of rotten seafood then by the 8th amendment I am given the ability to sue Toot’s Clam Emporium for all damages and doctor bills I may obtain, and considering the inreuptable destruction caused by bad clams, I should be more then pleasantly compensated. After which, once I have received said money, the forth states that all the swag I purchase after winning the lawsuit will there by be protected from search and seizure unless by the use of a warrant to prove that I faked all injuries and overstated my claim.
In short, and thanks to the bill of rights not only am I able to enjoy an engaging meal with Tela Tequila over a glory bowl of shrimp, but I am there by protected to sue said restaurant for a bad case of crabs.

lmao what?